Betrayed Partners
There is absolutely nothing like discovering that a person's spouse
or partner has been living a double life. When a person learns of the
sexual acting out that has occurred many people experience what we
understand to be traumatic symptoms. These include initial shock,
disbelief, disgust, nausea, and other physical symptoms, anger, and
rage. People often experience shame and live with the secret, separating
him or her from sharing this information with others for fear of their
reactions, which leads to isolation for the betrayed partner. This is a
pain that we are very familiar with treating and there is a way out of the
horror. There is no guarantee about what the acting out partner may do,
however the betrayed partner can certainly begin a pathway of healing.
We offer individual counseling, group counseling, and intensive programs for
betrayed partners. Our team has clinicians that are trained and experienced in
several modalities of betrayal trauma healing, including Parts work, Eye
Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Attachment based therapy,
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), experiential and somatic work, as well as
Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT). There is tremendous healing when one
person shares his or her experience of pain and betrayal with another person
that gets it and knows that pain, and is met with understanding, empathy, and care.
The betrayed person did not do anything to cause this, cannot control it, cannot
cure it, cannot change it, however he or she does have choices. Sometimes the
person that has been betrayed is angry that he or she now has to do this work
when she or he did nothing wrong. That is completely understandable. It can
feel like a punishment to the innocent party. While that is true, he or she
did not cause this in any way, and is not responsible for the other persons
reactions, the betrayed person is injured by the other person's behavior and
is now responsible to help him or herself to heal from the damage created.
We find that when both partners, the acting out and the betrayed, receive
treatment, the family at large benefits, and the coupleship has a greater
chance at healing. Whether or not the betrayed partner chooses to stay in
this relationship, the effect of this type of trauma will not just go away.
We are trained at facilitating healing whether the relationship continues or not.
Sometimes people find that this is not his or her first abusive relationship,
when that is the case, we look at underlying beliefs that may cause a person
to continue to choose a partner that is unhelpful and hurtful. This level of
healing can create a generational change in the family.
Information
Traumatic Reactions
Individual
Ambivalence
Sexual Repair
Irratibility
Sensorimotor Psychotherapy